I'm kinda new to this. I've never really shared my feelings in a place like this. In a sense, it feels like a total release - there's only me and this emotionless white box, a space for me to pour the contents of my soul's inner thoughts.

I love my family. But the fights just keep elevating. Yesterday, on Thanksgiving, was perhaps the worst it's been in a long time. There was so much bad emotion, so much hurt, and so little attempt and actually fixing any of the issues that cause all of this. My theory is, the only way things can get better is through talking. But these things keep getting repeated, endlessly throwing the same topics onto the grinding stone and crushing them beyond use. There has to be a way to figure out how to solve this, how to make everyone put down their verbal weapons and begin seeking peace. It makes me want to escape, to run, to get as far away from this chaos that is life at my home.

That is not what a home is meant to be. Home should mean sanctuary, not war zone.

I feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be done by the end of the semester. I have so much to do to catch up before school ends that every time I try it seems too much and I want to do other things. I know this doesn't help me catch up, so I get even more frustrated.

These cycles, these downward spirals, are what weigh on my mind most heavily as of late. I need to find a way to free myself of them. My best bet is to buckle down and change that which I can most easily control and fix my work.

I'm glad to have found some friends who I can talk to about these things. Without their support I don't know how I would have gotten through it all. I'm going to miss everyone when they leave, whether it be to college far away or on missions.

I suppose I ought to sleep now. This white box has helped me calm some of the turmoil that seems to be my constant state of mind. Having the courage to post this is a large step for me. It's nice to find a way to keep it all from being bottled up inside.